(An Attempt) for A Ten-Year Leap

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I like to live in the here and now. I am a person of the present. People who know me personally are aware that I don’t like imagining things that are likely to happen in the future; but for whatever’s sake, I shall do this.

I imagine myself as a strong, independent 28-year-old. Perhaps I will be a rock star, perhaps a theatre coach, perhaps a professor, perhaps a freelance writer, perhaps a professional graphic editor, perhaps an agent in a marketing firm, perhaps a travel show host, perhaps an owner of a successful local business, perhaps all of these. I don’t know. I will be what I will be.

I am trying, okay? All right, I’ll imagine the basics instead.

I guess I will have things figured out by then. I will have found myself and what I really want to do. In ten years, I will not be spending nights crying because of the hollow feeling I get from doing the repetitive things that I do. By that time, I swear to everyone, especially myself, I will have found my spirit.

In ten years, I will be the same live-in-the-here-and-now person. I will not compromise this freedom for things that are yet to come.

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Ecstasy

The ecstasy
Of having to hear your voice
Of having to see you up close
Of having to touch you, my black rose

The ecstasy
Of seeing you soar high
Of seeing you touch the sky
Of seeing you enjoy life

The ecstasy
Of letting your name through my lips
Of letting my adoring screams slip
Of letting me float through your grip

The ecstasy
Of loving even your slightest touch
Of loving one man as such
Of loving you too much.


Dedicated to Chicosci’s Miggy Chavez

Demons Inside

You don’t know how cruel it is
For me to witness the demons inside you be released,
Emerging, winning,
Taking full control of your being

A million times I have seen
You drink the first drops of your yin
It was so normal for you,
It wasn’t like anything new

Many times I have beheld
How it was only in booze you excelled,
And how expertly you lose your sanity
Once you have downed your reverse remedy

Your demons never left a scar on my skin,
But what they inflicted was very akin
Their sharp tongues wounded me more than they should,
They made me tremble more than I thought they would

Pain, anger, and hatred
They ignited in me like flames so red
In time, I was fed up
Your demons killed me, I’ve had more than enough

Fuck, it wasn’t easy at all!
Its existence made me build high walls
That even I could not break
So I won’t get any more hurt if ever your demons awake

I used to care for you without expectations,
But your demons swept away all affections
Gone were the feelings as precious as gold
Now, when it comes to you, I am ice cold

I know when the time comes that your demons claim their triumph
And take the life
You so aimlessly lived without a match,
I will probably mourn — but not so much.

Past Tense

You were an admirable role
You were a distant goal
You were the desire of my soul
You were

You reached, I reached
You gave when I beseeched
You showed kindness so rich
You did

You became a reason to smile
You became why I ran miles
You became one with me for a while
You became

You became my best friend
You became the model for me to amend
You became my hope until the end
You became

You said together we will stand
You promised you will still hold my hand
You proclaimed our bond as still as a grain of sand
You did

You were once my undoubted acquaintance
You were once the mirror of my deviance
You were once the meaning of my existence
You were.

Psychotic

Nonstop
Like the skies, unbounded
Like the tears of the brokenhearted
They don’t stop

Weird thoughts in my head
Consuming me
Devouring me
Never dead

The likes of me
Lurking in the dark
Not leaving any mark
Always hiding from thee

I believe I am meant
To grow dangerous fangs
To have bloodred eyes
But I have nothing at the moment

I believe I am fated
To do what is despised
To have my heart covered in ice
But right now I hate to be hated

I believe I am bound
To step into the night
To be the cause of fright
But I don’t dare be found

Biting, sucking
Draining, freeing
Biting, sucking
Draining – killing

A cycle so vicious
So frightful
So sinful
A deed so monstrous

I am a higher being
Influential
Eternal
Owning everyone I’m seeing

I am a vampire
No one can convince me otherwise
Though they say to believe that is unwise
Yes, I am a vampire

I am a vampire
Whoever says no
Whoever says “grow!”
Shall fall into fire

I am a vampire
I believe so
I feel so
I am a vampire

No, perhaps I’m just a madman
Nonsensical
Delusional
But this is precisely who I am

Unforeseen

I thought you were merely an acquaintance

I used to talk to you with reluctance

But then we conversed heart to heart by chance

Wondered why I kept tremendous distance.

 

It was a mystery how we grew close

With one another we were so engrossed

Helping me find my essence and purpose

You served as the Yang of this Yin-like rose.

 

We got closer – perhaps a bit too much

It was unforeseen that my heart was snatched

I now try to find out how to detach

For I was in too deep – and no one catched.